Tom's Life Bits

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===== Make your own homemade Cockroach Exterminator =====

Get rid of cockroaches with this easy to make insecticide.

To make 1 treatment

*
      2 tablespoons household borax
    *
      1 tablespoon flour
    *
      1 1/2 teaspoons cocoa powder

Mix all the ingredients in a small bowl. To use, place a small amount of the mixture in bottle caps or other small, unsealed containers and set them out in areas where the cockroaches are known to congregate.
Caution Keep out of the reach of pets and small children.

Dear Cecil:

I'm tired of Roach Motels, Baygon, boric acid and other pansy-ass roach killers. I want a recipe for some stuff they will eat gladly and die of quickly. I have no kids or pets to worry about. I don't care if the active ingredient is a little dangerous to handle, or hard (even illegal) to get. I want the little suckers dead. What will do it? --Hayden J., Chicago

Dear Hayden:

Calm yourself and pay attention to your Uncle Cecil. There are two proven approaches to dealing with la cucaracha: (1) borax, and (2) arson. Assuming your landlord objects to the latter line of attack, hie yourself down to the basement and mix up the following recipe: 4 parts borax, 2 parts flour, and 1 part cocoa powder.

Now, you may regard borax as "pansy-ass," my boy, but that is because you are young and ignorant and have not yet grasped the subtleties of Total Insect Warfare, which requires fanatical dedication. You must mix up oodles of this stuff and apply it with the enthusiasm of Robert S. McNamara dumping Agent Orange on the Mekong Delta. Pour it in a continuous line along the walls. Put an extra dose under sinks and around kitchen cabinets. Hell, fill your damned house to a depth of one foot with the stuff. The little bastards will die piteously, I promise.

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